A blog about dogs, marriage, life, butt-sniffing, and depression.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Why should I stop licking my butt? You stop playing Pokemon.

   Sorry I've been gone from the interwebs for a few days guys, my Mom has been totally out of commission lately. I know humans are strangely squeamish about this sort of thing, but she is in that phase human females get into a week (or in my Mom's case, like 3 weeks...boo) before they go into heat, where she gets all mid-januaryish all of a sudden, complete with terrible depression, thoughts of suicide, random sobbing and sometimes extreme irritation. I'm glad I'm a male. Females are complicated, with all their hormones and stuff. It almost makes me glad that the AHS chopped off my testes, but not quite. Mom and Dad didn't arrive soon enough to save me, but I'm sure they would have if they could. Right guys? Mom even starting talking about having a baby just to make this stuff go away. Dad looked scared and did a strange little laugh. I wouldn't mind a baby in the house, but I better still get the same level of attention. 

   Mom is listening to the Showtunes radio station on Pandora. It makes her extra loud and annoying. Especially since her voice isn't high enough to completely cover the female parts, and not quite deep enough to cover the deeper male parts. She sounds a bit like a squeeky toy sometimes, which just makes me want to bite her more. I on the other hand have a very robust voice. And I stick to howling, I don't try to sing things I can't- hint hint Mom. She doesn't seem to be getting it. Oh well. As long as Mary Poppins doesn't come on again. 

   I have high hopes for this weekend guys. Mom and Dad have tons of gardening to do, so they'll probably be around, plus I heard a rumor that my bff Mitch might be in town, which pretty much just makes my life complete. Except, it makes me sorta sad, cause why did he leave me in the first place? I don't understand humans. I think that's why Mom and I get along so well. She has the same goals and dreams as me. We could live on a huge farm-type place, with a lake or a river, and tons of forest, and everyone we love would live there too, and we would all sleep in the same room in a big pile, and it would never get too cold, and there would be free food everywhere! Ok, so the last few parts might be just me. Strangely Mom and Dad seem to prefer sleeping in that big bed without everyone else we know. I like to cuddle when I sleep, but I guess that's just a dog thing. But why is it just me and Mom that feel this way? Daddy wants to live in the city and be around music and stuff. Even though I make sure he never really gets to go enjoy that sort of thing too often. Everyone has their own agendas and they never fit in with the dog's. Like, why can't all my grandparents live together? There's some complication there, but I don't get it. Also, why can't Lucy get along with my other dog bffs like Trevor and Beans and Mac Daddy and Pickles and Emma and all the others? I pretty much like everyone. Except that one guy on the street. You know who you are, douche bag. I'll rip your throat out if you come near my family again! Grr. I'm getting upset just thinking about it. 

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