A blog about dogs, marriage, life, butt-sniffing, and depression.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I'm sorry, loyal followers.

   I've been a bad, bad dog. Or rather, my Mom has been a bad dog. A really bad one, actually, cause all she's been doing is sitting around feeling sorry for herself, NOT walking me, NOT trying to find a job so she can pay for my dog food, and NOT listening to me when I whine at her. Basically- she's been doing this-

It's been kinda rough around here lately, what with Mom not having a job, and Daddy being so busy and overwhelmed. Mom has just been sitting around selling stuff on ebay all day, watching Supernatural and feeling pathetic and full of self-pity. She's kinda lame. On a positive note Mom (in a desperate attempt to solve her constant struggle to find energy and motivation) has tried eating some meat lately. So thats freakin awesome. I got a piece of turkey hotdog. Best thing that happened this week so far. Mom hasn't eaten meat since she was in seventh grade (15 years ago- what a freak), so she's having a hard time getting used to the texture and flavor again. But apparently it would be worth it if it could affect her constant state of "meh"-ness. It's particularly odd for her to feel this way in summer, so my theory is she's just purposeless and that's why she's feeling like November in July. At least she's not quite at February-ish-ness yet, I hate that. If anyone has any ideas as to how my Mom can find a purpose and get some money, let me know, I'll pass it on to her. She and Daddy have been making those weird noises with the guitar and flute again lately, so maybe she could sit on a street corner with me and Bandit and get money that way. We could charge for dog kisses! Does that count as prostitution? I wouldn't mind, as long as food is involved. I'm easy that way. 

   We did have a garage sale last weekend, or maybe the weekend before that- I'm not great with time. Bandit and I had a lot of responsibility, it was kinda exhausting. But I guess someone's gotta guard all of our stuff. 

   The only problem with us being the guardians is that Bandit kinda has some racial issues. I've talked to him about it, and he just won't budge. It was really embarrassing, you know, like when you take your elderly grandma out to lunch and she accidently calls the waiter "one of those damn Mexicans"- and you have to take the waiter aside and apologize. Except with Bandit it's more like he sees a white person come to the sale and wags and barks a brief greeting. And then seconds later a black person comes up and he's all like "HEY! YOU! YEAH, YOU PUNK! I'M WATCHING YOU!" Which wouldn't be so bad, cause then Mom would just shut him up and it would be fine. But he watches the guy walk around the sale, keeping his eyes on him the whole time, and every few seconds he issues this little warning bark/growl- as if the guy was just about to pull out a gun and kill us all and Bandit just wants to let the guy know, he's on to him. Mom was actually blushing by the time the guy left. If I could have blushed I would have too. I don't know what it is that made Bandit this way, but he's the same way with kids. Don't even get me started on what he does when he sees a minority kid. I could just bite him sometimes, I swear. I'm gonna try to get Mom to keep writing- so keep your finger's crossed you'll see another post soon.

Dog-ku of the day-

I love my mother
but sometimes the boredom kills
why won't you walk me?


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